You're Young Enough to be My Daughter

I've heard that phrase more times than I can count throughout my career. That statement has been used numerous times as an attempt to draw attention to the power dynamic often not the true dynamic. The point is often to make someone feel inferior in a professional setting. It's a tool used to often make inappropriate behavior seem okay, as if you are a child and the individual speaking is the parent. This statement, in almost every scenario in work environment, is unprofessional and unacceptable.

Let's unpack some things. Sure, many of us were raised to respect our elders. I certainly believe that, however, there are limits. There is a basic level him respect that we should everyone and certainly more so for our elders, but the bulk of respect is earned. I started out young, so I got this statement, or equally inappropriate comments, a lot. Regardless of age, if you're working in the environments where this would come up more frequently, I'd bet that you're an adult. It is irrelevant if your supervisor or colleague's child is your age. That has nothing to do with the work you have set out to do. You deserve respect, too.

This statement is what I would call a red flag in a workplace. Do not fall into the trap of feeling less adept at your job or less worthy of your position because someone else is projecting her own insecurity, prejudice, etc. onto you. Earn respect but do not feel as if you owe anything more than professionalism to those in your workplace. I would also warn against taking the bait and going off how I typically do on the inside because you never want to give rise to someone having the ammunition to reprimand you. Remain professional but stand firm in your boundaries. Telling someone that is inappropriate and that though you may be young enough to be her child, you are not and you are a professional who expects to be treated as such is valid. If you hear this fairly often, then there are likely additional problems you are encountering in the workplace, so be sure to document.

As a young Black woman, I had often hoped that the Black women I encountered would be more of a mentor, and I am grateful that I have found many. Some of them have served as brief examples of leadership, others have walked with me for seasons, and some walk with me in life in general, but unfortunately I have encountered the condescending "You're young enough to be my daughter" types as well. That's very disheartening when it comes from someone from my community because we have enough to fight. My encounters with those types are typically not long-lasting.

For the leaders who care, let us reflect on how we interact with budding professional women. Let us remember what were pivotal moments in our early career and who impacted us most. Let us choose to be the mentors, the examples of good leaders, and the ones they choose as work moms or aunties. Let us know throw our weight around in inappropriate ways. Respect is a two-way street even in off-balance power dynamics (ex. employer-employee, executive-assistant, etc).

Have you encountered anything like this? How did you respond?

I certainly hope this was beneficial for you. If this resonates with you, let us know.

Best,

K.T. Braxton

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